Five Things about my Cancer

Here are five things you may be thinking, saying or posting regarding my illness.  (I still have trouble calling it cancer, preferring to use the more specific "mesothelioma", or the more generic "illness")  I don't like to read or hear any of these but I'm too polite to call you out on it personally.  So I'm playing my cancer card to tell you how I feel, respectfully of course.

Battling, Fighting, Struggling, Courageous, etc.  Nope.  This cancer is part of me.  It's mine, I own it.  How can I battle something within me, even though it is an uninvited guest?  A house divided against itself cannot stand, and it takes far too much energy to treat this life-threatening illness like a marauding invader.  Don't get me wrong, this period of my life involves some challenges, but please let me focus on what it takes to manage this disease without having to, at the same time, live up to your notions of how I should behave, what level of fearlessness and good humour I should have, and what outward appearance I should portray.

Stupid Cancer, Cancer picked a battle with the wrong guy, we're going to beat this thing, etc.  What?!?  Are we creating a pagan ritual where cancer is personified and takes on a role that is larger than reality?  Is there an evil being called cancer that randomly zaps unsuspecting victims, who then gird their loins and stare down the enemy?  No, it's a disease, each time individually attacking it's host, sometimes with fatal results.  In the case of mesothelioma it is always with fatal results (unless I die of other means, like a car accident, since I do travel about 1000 km a week between work and homes in Niagara and Windsor).

It's not Fair  No it's not.  So what?  To misquote the villain in Star Wars - "you prefer another target, then name the system!"  Who did you think deserves this, or any other life threatening illness, if not me (or the person you love)?  Just the bad people?  Do yourself a favour and read the Book of Job - now there's a guy who didn't deserve what happened to him either.  Oh, and by the way, if you are a Christian please stop using the word "karma".  If you're Hindu or Buddhist, carry on.

5K Runs, T-Shirts, Ribbons and Stunts  Hey, I get that everyone has to deal with this their own way.  I mean no criticism of anyone who's ever dealt with their own diagnosis, or that of a loved one's in this way.  Please appreciate that not everyone wants to make their disease a legacy project, cause, athletic event, book or fundraising and awareness stunt.

I will Keep You in My Thoughts and Prayers  I do hope that long before you learned of my illness I was in your thoughts from time to time.  You know, like remembering a funny joke we shared or a time we got into trouble, etc.  What I need now is your prayers.  And I would like you to pray with me that God's will is done (on earth as it is in heaven.)  If that's beyond you because of your beliefs, lack of belief, refusal to believe or because of human pride, hey, that doesn't mean we're not friends.  It's just means that I'll be praying twice as hard on your behalf.

You are in my prayers.  Peace be with you.

The Little Guy Gets Serious

On my Twitter account I like to describe myself as "a little guy, having a little fun, with a lot of good friends."  It's mostly true, but not every day.  Not today.  Not right now.  I have cancer.  I'm still a little guy with a lot of friends, but I'm pretty sure what's coming up next is not going to be much fun.  I have cancer.

More specifically, I have Mesothelioma, the extremely rare Peritoneal Mesothelioma (I don't like to run with the crowd).  It's not my fault; there is nothing differently I could have done to avoid it.  It's like a random bullet has hit me.

Mesothelioma is caused by exposure to asbestos which in my lifetime was believed to be the wonder mineral, except by those who have known differently since WWII but chose to take risks with the lives of a couple of generations of Canadians.  Who knows how I ended up with it?

I have a disease.  I do not have a cause.  There will be no t-shirts, buckets of ice, maudlin Facebook postings, ribbons, wristbands or marathons run in my name.  I am not battling or fighting anything, and I'm not feeling particularly courageous.  Josh Haddon, a comedian with a blog  "The Funny Thing About Cancer" announced his cancer by saying he didn't want sappy Facebook comments and posts, but that he would accept sympathy sex.  I concur with the sentiment although I must respectfully (and gratefully) decline any offers of sympathy sex that may come in.

This is my disease.  I own it.  It's part of me, but let's be clear: it doesn't own me and it does not define me, and it's not how I wish to be remembered and it's for damned sure not the only thing I want to talk about.  It is 100% fatal and is, in this form or in the form of other diseases caused by exposure to asbestos, the number one workplace killer in Canada.  Read this article and listen to John Nolan's story.  There is no safe use of asbestos.

The words I learned when I trained in Hospice to work in palliative care are "he is living with a life-threatening illness."

I am not dying.  I am living.

I am living with a life-threatening illness.  And now, so are you.  If you are a friend, a co-worker, family, parishioner, someone who likes me or loves me or thinks I'm an asshole, it's all the same.  You are living with my life-threatening illness, as much or as little as you'd like to be.

As Bruce Willis said in Die Hard..."welcome to the party, pal."

November 11 Should Not be a Stat Holiday

Right now there is a suggestion that November 11th should be declared a statutory holiday in Canada,
a sentiment no doubt fueled by the killing of two Canadian soldiers on Canadian soil just weeks ago.  It would be offensive to suggest that this NDP backed bill is calculated to ride this wave of sentiment, but not beyond the pale to acknowledge that the timing couldn't be better for those who agree, and uncomfortable for those who don't.

Here me out and don't question my patriotism.  Don't you dare.  I would suggest that not speaking against this misguided move to declare November 11th a statutory holiday, if one believes it shouldn't be, is unpatriotic and counter to what our soldiers died to defend in the great wars and conflicts since; freedom to think and speak; to be heard.

I have celebrated November 11th every year of the last 50 or so, but not always at the Cenotaph.  Many years it had to suffice that I was part of an entire workplace or school that stopped for a moment of silence at 11 am.  Just last year a conference I attended and helped organize gave one of the most moving tributes to Remembrance Day that I have seen in five decades.

If November 11th 2013 had been a stat holiday, that conference would not have happened over those dates and that tribute would not have happened at all.  I don't think I'm reaching to say that most, if not almost all of the participants would not have had any such experience had they been enjoying a day off, hiking, raking leaves, or at an American mall shopping; the usual Canadian Stat holiday experience.   A November 11th stat holiday actually has the opposite effect of what is presumably intended.

Pausing to Remember
A statutory holiday on November 11th will lead to a watered-down and soon forgotten celebration of what must never be forgotten, and what better way to drive home the importance of our soldier's sacrifice than to pause commerce, school, traffic; to reflect on 2 minutes of inconvenience to our modern lives and perhaps to feel just a bit of guilt when it slips by unnoticed, unintentionally.  To think of kids in uniform...(kids dammit!) who died on foreign lands so our cash registers could ring the other 1438 minutes in the day.  To watch the grade 7s at a Remembrance Day assembly start to internalize the truth that in a different time it would have been their older brothers off to war, perhaps never to return.  To be 18 and think, "it could have been me."  For some in my generation it was about a grandfather they never met.

Effect on the Economy
Secondly, and this is important, the loss to the economy is estimated to be in the billions.  Don't kid yourselves folks, our soldiers died defending not only democracy, but capitalism and commerce.  In my own business right now I am looking at trying to accommodate a major piece of business that will be lost to our destination if we can't find alternate dates that don't include a mid-week stat holiday in November.  These are union folk, I guarantee none of them is going to miss a paid day off no matter how important the conference or meeting.  I say that without judgement - it is how it is.

I urge Members of Parliament to pause and have a complete and thorough debate at a time when emotions have subsided, and to consider the cost vs benefit of Remembrance Day being declared a Statutory Holiday in Canada.  It may not be what it may seems.

Top Gun

A few years ago when I was a member of a small team I won a sales contest.  That didn't go over well with my team mates and when my name was announced the silence around the boardroom table was humiliating.  No applause.  I felt bad for my Director of Sales; I know she expected better from her team.  I will never know why it bothered anyone that I won not only the first leg, but the overall contest.

I have often wondered if it was because they believed they should have a chance at winning the contest without changing the 9-5 behaviour that was generating the lacklustre results that necessitated a contest in the first place.

When the contest was announced I made it my personal goal to win, for three reasons:

1. In support of the boss.  It was her idea.  If the contest flopped and failed to generate the sales results she hoped for, she'd look bad in front of her boss.  Our job is to make the boss look good, I think. Certainly life is better for everyone when we do. 
2. Because the reward was huge.  In fact, in that first month I won a gift certificate large enough that I planned to take the entire team out for lunch.  In the end I did take one sales manager, the one who shook my hand and congratulated me (albeit surreptitiously).  The grand prize was a Best Buy gift certificate that got me a nice camera, amongst other electronic cool things.  I don' mind admitting I'm motivated by more than altruism and teamism.  Teamishness.  Whatever.
3. I knew that if this contest produced the desired effect we would be in a position to crush the competition, finish the fiscal year in good shape, and the whole team would make bonus.

The reason I won was simple, and my friend and Top Gun Honda salesguy Erin, a man after my own heart, summed it up when he was telling me why he is the #1 sales guy 3 months in a row at his dealership and I suspect along that street of auto dealerships.  Erin said this:

"It is possible to beat me.  You just have to get to work before me, stay later than me, and work harder than I do."

I'll add one thing.  You have to want to.

Name and Shame

The revelations in the Rob Ford scandal (disgraced Mayor of Toronto) show that there remains still a need for a vibrant newspaper industry in our democracy.  These blogs we write cannot replace professionals.

At best, what bloggers write is opinion.  At worst it is uninformed opinion.  The slide from best to worst begins when we believe that anyone (besides ourselves) really cares about what we think.  Face it folks, this is an online diary, a rant, a huff and a puff.  If we're lucky, very lucky, it is of value to someone.

I was dismayed to see a colleague present her well informed and respected opinion on the sales practices of our peers in a decidedly negative fashion in her blog.  I was  horrified to see that she named the offenders by company and individual.

I've never been a fan of that. 

Look, we all have opinions on how others in our industry could do it better.  Joyfully, albeit rarely, we are thrilled to be in the company of individuals who inspire us by their excellence.  We can learn from the good and bad alike.

All I'm saying is, let's celebrate the superstars, but don't name and shame the underperformers.

But What Will They Say When We're Gone?

I heard the tale of a long serving assistant around whom the entire operation revolved.  Nothing moved unless it had her stamp of approval, and in time nothing was created without her fingerprints all over it.  Give up any bit of control?  Not on her life.  People quit doing business with, or working for the company rather than deal with her.  And she was not management, not front line and possessed only institutional knowledge - she knew what she knew because it was all that she knew.

Eventually she overstayed her welcome, making one too many demand, playing one too many department heads against each other, and she was forced to flee to "a better job."  Many people mourned her loss and wondered how the company would ever survive without it's "heart and soul."  Many, many more kept silent and held their breath until she had walked out of the door for the last time.

And then life went on.  People discovered work unfinished.  Her manager began to realise just how many times she had thwarted his leadership.  The final landmine left for her successor was defused.  They're still cleaning up the mess she left behind, and some relationships will never be healed.

I like to occasionally use "hit by a bus" thinking - what would they find if I didn't have time to clean it up one last time because I was unexpectedly hit by a bus on my way back from Starbucks?  Am I proud of what I would leave behind?  Is there anything that needs to be fixed/cleaned up/finished RIGHT NOW?

Most of us are not like the exec assistant in our story.  They'll say good things about us after we're gone.

#bullytweet

I shudder to use the word "bully" to describe anything other than actual bullying, of which I have experienced very little in my life, either as victim or perpetrator.  I'm not saying I haven't, I'm saying it was nowhere near as widespread as it appears to be today.  As it appears to be today...

I have, however, witnessed a few prominent personalities on Twitter using their 140 characters to bully tweet.  In 140 characters or less, here's my definition:

#bullytweet: Influential social media "celeb" identifying business by Twitter handle to be overcompensated for real or perceived slights  A person who bully tweets is a #twit. 

You see, when you name the business there's a good chance their social media person will catch it, and rush to overcompensate to avoid public relations damage.  I once watched a weekly TV consumer show take a company to task because they had tweeted a problem, and a full 30 minutes later they had not been contacted.  Wow, they had to wait 30 minutes.  They could have asked for the manager on duty, had the conversation, solved the problem and been on their way home in less time.

• Not long ago I followed a well-known twit as she had a meltdown and blamed her intern for deleting some very important files.  There is no doubt that her intern follows her on Twitter and must have been humiliated.  She went on to berate me with uncomplimentary nicknames for pointing it out.  #twit #bullytweet
• Recently a renowned twit and keynote speaker decided to name his hotel in a 140 character complaint about the view from his room.  If memory serves, this same guy whined about his kid's cheeseburger at McDonald's, identifying the location and an employee.  #twit #bullytweet
• A well followed travel expert tweeted about a problem in his hotel room, and fortunately the manager happened to follow this guy and had someone knocking on his door with a solution in less than 10 minutes.  Unfortunately there was no follow-up tweet of appreciation. #twit #bullytweet

It seems to me there was a time when one just picked up the phone and called the front desk when you had a problem. 

Back then, however, the whole world would never know how so very important you are, in 140 characters or less.

No #twits were named in this blog.

Meet the New Boss

A guy once faced a predicament in his career.  Shortly into a new position, he found himself reporting to a guy whom he had once fired in another organization. 

"Aren't you worried about reporting to me, considering what happened before?" asks newly promoted to his former boss, now his subordinate.  The first shot is fired, but at least it's out in the open.  Frankly, my friend was pretty impressed with his apprentice, 10 years his junior.

"No," he responds. 

"Why not?" asks the new boss.  "I would be."  And my friend laid it all on the line at that very moment. 

"Because I raised you right," he says bluntly, having chosen his words deliberately, "and I know you'll do the right thing."  He's not known for beating around the bush. 

Condescending?  Not at all.  Stupid?  It didn't turn out to be.

If we've treated people with integrity, empathy and respect we have every right to expect it back no matter where we are in the corporate hierarchy.


What goes around inevitably comes around.  We shouldn't have to duck when it does.

Do it Like I'm Doing it for Free

"Is it ethical?"  It was a simple, complicated question.  My buddy had just accepted a position on a fundraising board and had all sorts of ideas, some of which he worried might be in conflict with his professional position.  In effect, his plan to raise money for his favourite charity would bring him into contact with a similar segment he professionally mines for business, albeit not likely the same customers.  He was on-fire, as they say.  He couldn't wait to tell me about it.

I was intrigued by the enthusiasm he was showing, essentially to use the same skills for which he gets paid "in real life"  but for free, on his own time and for a cause.  He has a very aggressive prospecting plan and a well considered fundraising strategy.  He has to; the goal is several million dollars.

I wondered, though.  If the skills are the same as the ones he uses every day, then why does he never appear to be this inspired by his job?

The talk turned to tough personal questions about our own careers.  The answers gave us a clearer picture of what we really have to work on this year; ourselves, our attitudes, our motivation.

• "Am I still excited by my career?"  (like when I first started out)
• "What could I accompish if I didn't know better?" (you know, like before "reality" set in)
• "Do I have a strategy to increase sales that is imaginative, focused and benchmarked?"  (like my friend's fundraising campaign has to be)
• "Do I have a challenging goal?"  (the Everest goal, I call it - a difficult, killer, inspiring and worthy goal that few will ever accomplish, maybe not even me)
• "Do I believe so strongly in my product and service that it ain't about the money?" (so I'm not just working for a paycheque) 

How would our workday look if we did our jobs for a higher cause?  Don't we?  What are we waiting for?

Hand-me-Ups

My son recently got rid of a few shirts that no longer fit him - they're still the right size, they no longer fit his style.  I snagged a nice one.  It's not the first time this has happened.  His older brother has handed "up" (as opposed to the classic hand-me-down) the odd t-shirt in my direction.

I'd like to see a bit more of this go on in business.  Here are some hand-me-ups I'd like to receive from the junior ranks.

• The ability to find relevant and fun apps on my smart phone for a more productive work day...to use available technology to its fullest
• Like you, to leave my work at work, and make my personal time truly my personal time.  I'd want to go home confident in having done all I could do for one day, whenever that ends or begins. 
• To have been in my thirties and look at my peers as co-workers, not as competitors for the next promotion

Here are some hand-me-ups I hope I'm giving to my superiors.

• That you look good because your team performs
• That you have as much knowledge as you need, confident that I've got your back and can fill in the blanks when you need me to
• That you can sleep through the night knowing that, if it's possible, I actually care about this business more than you do, albeit in a different way

And mostly, I'd like to give to my organisation a legacy of well trained up-and-comers who are thorough, enthusiastic, disciplined, upstanding and ready to take this farther than any of us think they can.

Poor Judgement all Around - City Council and the Library

In Windsor we have yet another crisis, yet another avoidable crisis at the public library.  An elected official has used the corporate credit card for at least $9,000 in personal charges, which he claims to have repaid.  The amount grows daily with each revelation.

The councillor's lapsed judgement not withstanding, this is not entirely the issue.  The issue is that the politicians have staged a successful takeover of the Library Board.  The root of the issue is in a council with an obstinate fixation on not raising taxes without regard for the implications of such a sweeping generalization - the first being the false presumption that only the elected council has any wisdom and stake in the outcome of any monetary discussions; not so.  At issue is the failure to separate, very necessarily separate, access to information from those who have most to gain by controlling it - the government.  This issue concerns a growing sense of entitlement pervading Windsor's city council, manifested in a disregard for even the most basic rules of corporate responsibility by one of its junior members, who would have been in high school when this "council knows best" juggernaut first began.

The library must be completely free of political influence in all ways, at all times.  This includes everything from library locations to hours of operation to the books on the shelf.  It is not an overstatement to suggest that along with the health and welfare and the policing of the citizenry,  controlling access to information is the third leg in creating the perfect dictatorship.  No one is suggesting an impending dictatorship in Windsor, however we cannot predict the behaviour of politicians not yet elected.  Not coincidentally, these three areas - Police, Public Health and the Library are protected by law from political influence under the Municipal Act.  Look it up.

In practice, it is quite another story.  Look around.

Living the Vocation of Work

Those who begin their career with a purpose for the most part are exercising a vocation.  A vocation is loosely defined as a calling.  One is compelled to do and to be because one can't resist the call. 

Along the way, for some of us, it becomes a job.  We get bogged down in the details of the where and the what, and turn our backs on the why.  When you've got a mortgage, a wife and kids, two car payments, aging parents, a dog and a March break getaway to pay for the why takes a back seat to the how, as in "how am I going to manage this?" 

(Usually the why pays less anyway.)

I see politicians who've lost their drive, teachers who've traded their passion for benefits and a sick-day payout, and so many middle aged zombie managers who have forgotten how to take a risk.  It's disheartening.

For those of us still in the game, remember the wisdom of the seventies: "hang in there, baby".  The next generation needs role models even though they might think they've got it all figured out. 

If nothing else they need to see what it looks like when good people still strive to make a difference for the love of it.  Hang in there, baby.

I Have Met the OccuHippies (and I like them)

The other day during lunch I walked across City Hall square and waded into the midst of the "OccuHippies", as I have referred to them (here).

I went prepared to learn enough to write a second scathing piece, which I suppose I could now.  I couldn't find even one person who voted in the last election, which actually suits me just fine.  No, really, it does - I've written about that here.  But I have trouble criticizing them for it.  I found what I was looking for but can't write the scathing piece because what I found were people, not ideals.

Look, these citizens want change.  You may not agree with their methods, but do you have a better idea?  Don't tell them to join a mainstream political party - they don't trust 'em.  Don't tell them to get jobs - they're trying.  Starbucks only needs so many baristas.   As one of the underemployed told me, "I'm just sick of being poor."

In the Windsor camp the voluntarily homeless occupy when it suits them, showing up to protest and then heading to their warm homes and apartments.  The tents mark the spot.  For others, the first wave of fainthearted joiners have been replaced by the actual homeless.  If not here, they'd be under a bridge.  Here they live in community, people give them food and treat them with respect.  They have much to protest, as much as their situation is as much of their own making as it is of society's.

There are no easy answers.  The fate of the least of us falls on the shoulders of each of us.  In our lives we will never eliminate poverty.

But shame on us when we look the other way.