Tuesday, 3 March 2015

My Cancer, My Fault?

Sometimes I get the feeling people are expecting all sorts of life wisdom from me because I've been diagnosed with a life threatening disease.  I wish they'd asked me when I was in my twenties.  I knew everything then.  But here's how things look to me today...

Something bad happens to a friend or a stranger, and we wonder why.  But then we take it a bit further and wonder, could it happen to me?  And then we construct reasons why it couldn't.  A home invasion on the other side of town - couldn't happen to me because it was that side of town and they were probably involved in drugs or something.  A guy I work with gets laid off - must be his fault, he must have been a bad employee.  Someone gets cancer - they must have smoked.  Has to be, otherwise it could happen to me.  Otherwise this could happen to someone I love.

People tell me I'm such a nice guy and this deadly disease shouldn't be happening to me.  They can't seem to come up with the name of someone to whom it should be happening, when asked.  And yes, I ask.  I know that's cruel.

People throw around the concept of Karma, which doesn't bother me if they're Buddhist or Hindu.  But I have to ask, if you believe in Karma, what do you imagine I did so wrong that earned me an incurable, ugly disease?

Sometimes crap happens to good people.  Sometimes crap happens to bad people.  At some point crap happens to everyone.  Assigning blame won't make you immune.

Accepting your own frail reality might bring you peace.

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