Friday, 24 September 2010

Sh*t, my Facebook status says..

These days, with the television line up including such stellar offerings as “Sh*t, my Dad Says”, perhaps an understanding of the various levels of sh*t is in order.

Other than the sh*t on TV, here’s some other sh*t I have come across.

Bullsh*t: 1) an out and out lie 2) disappointing nonsense that drives one to anger, as in “this is BULLSH*T man!” This type is commonly afflicted by authority figures on the plebes who toil beneath them.

Horsesh*t: 1) an exaggeration, bordering on a lie 2) an unbelievable story told as an excuse. The best way to deal with it is to hear the idiot out, let him spin his own incredible web of nonsense, then calmly call him on it. You: “I am loathe to call you a liar since it may crush your spirit, but I feel duty bound to let you know I wasn’t born yesterday.” (or more simply put, horsesh*t!”)

Birdsh*t (my least favourite but also seemingly the most popular): Also known as passive aggressive behaviour, expressed through social media, typically through Facebook updates. e.g. “It would be nice if some people would express appreciation once in a while” or "no matter how many times I am let down I never lose my faith in people" This is typically aimed at one person, not the other 244 friends listed on the Facebook account, but since direct confrontation is so damned hard, the birdsh*tter tries to guilt the offender into the desired behaviour, without naming either the offender or the behaviour. Birdsh*t is made worse by the other Birdsh*tters who enable this behaviour by “liking” it, or making bullsh*t comments like “Oh Susie, what happened?” or “Be strong, you are woman.”

By the way, although this behaviour is typically seen on women’s Facebook status updates, men do make these birdsh*t statements occasionally, but in doing so forfeit what was left of their obviously dwindling manhood and are best ignored, defriended or birdsh*tted back with a comment like “you go, girl!”

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